Bored? As a wise and mean mother once said, only boring people get bored.
We want to make the most of our iso, don’t we? But with all that panic gardening, bread making, meaningful meditating, and cellar raiding, there just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the socially distant day to jam it all in. And if you’re a parent, you can add another joy-drenched level of “activity”: teaching random lessons to your own crotch produce from the discomfort of your own home.
But how can one combine a Type-A need for manic isolation-style self-improvement with the reality of a disheveled, disorganized, disobedient domestic classroom?
Well, with the assistance of Swami Visinudebanana, I’ve designed a program to inspire even the most disheartened day drinker. It’s a series of yoga poses curated especially for the needs of involuntary and untrained teachers.
Yoga for Homeschoolers
First, some deep breaths to clear your mind.
Breathe in for the count of how many days are left in this homeschool week
Breathe out for the count of how many days the teenagers will be on screens on the weekend
Breathe in for the number of children you are currently enduring teaching
Breathe out for the number of children who will return to school eventually
Breathe in for the number of hours until wine o-clock
Breathe out for the number of glasses you’ll pour before dinner
Repeat as needed.
Now, let’s move on to some simple yoga for homeschool postures.
- The attempt to remember grade 11 Chemistry pose
2. The level-14 primary school reader ennui surrender
3. The “Hungry? But you just f **king ate lunch” bend
4. The don’t look at the background best zoom angle for chin-fat pose
5. The pose for when your teenage son refuses to stop cracking his knuckles
6. The avoiding the floor-lego pose
Variation A: Loose lego
Variation B: Avoiding “special” buildings
7. The gratitude for the existence of ‘Bluey’ pose
8. The waiting for download/waiting for upload
9. The posture for when the 8-year-old starts describing, in detail, his Minecraft world. For the fourth time today.
10. The pose for when they start fighting about whose turn it is to load the dishwasher, again
11. The “if everyone sees the state of the toilet why am I the only one who cleans it” posture
12. The adding “domestic duties” to the curriculum smug-sit
13. The successfully maintaining work-from-home productivity while homeschooling lunge
To finish
Let’s end with some meditation, chanting a specific mantra to further settle your mind. Please sit comfortably. Here are three simple mantras to choose from.
1.
Only five weeks
only five weeks
only five weeks
2.
Wash your hands
wash your hands
wash your hands
3.
Job-keeper
Job-keeper
Job-keeper
If you’ve any offspring hanging around, they’re welcome to participate. They already have their own special mantra, a singular word of exceptional power that they chant frequently:
Mum
Mum
Mum
Mum
Mum
Mum
Mum
