Yoga for homeschoolers

Bored? As a wise and mean mother once said, only boring people get bored.

We want to make the most of our iso, don’t we? But with all that panic gardening, bread making, meaningful meditating, and cellar raiding, there just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the socially distant day to jam it all in. And if you’re a parent, you can add another joy-drenched level of “activity”: teaching random lessons to your own crotch produce from the discomfort of your own home.

But how can one combine a Type-A need for manic isolation-style self-improvement with the reality of a disheveled, disorganized, disobedient domestic classroom?

Well, with the assistance of Swami Visinudebanana, I’ve designed a program to inspire even the most disheartened day drinker. It’s a series of yoga poses curated especially for the needs of involuntary and untrained teachers.

 

Yoga for Homeschoolers

First, some deep breaths to clear your mind.

Breathe

Breathe in for the count of how many days are left in this homeschool week

Breathe out for the count of how many days the teenagers will be on screens on the weekend

Breathe in for the number of children you are currently enduring teaching 

Breathe out for the number of children who will return to school eventually

Breathe in for the number of hours until wine o-clock

Breathe out for the number of glasses you’ll pour before dinner

Repeat as needed.

 

 

Now, let’s move on to some simple yoga for homeschool postures.

 

  1. The attempt to remember grade 11 Chemistry pose

yoga for homeschool

 

2. The level-14 primary school reader ennui surrender

yoga for homeschoolers

 

3. The “Hungry? But you just f **king ate lunch” bendyoga for homeschoolers

 

4. The don’t look at the background best zoom angle for chin-fat pose

yoga for homeschoolers

 

5. The pose for when your teenage son refuses to stop cracking his knuckles

yoga for homeschoolers

 

6. The avoiding the floor-lego pose

Variation A: Loose lego

yoga for homeschoolers

Variation B: Avoiding “special” buildings

yoga for homeschoolers

 

7. The gratitude for the existence of ‘Bluey’ pose

Bluey

 

8. The waiting for download/waiting for upload

yoga for homeschool

 

9. The posture for when the 8-year-old starts describing, in detail, his Minecraft world. For the fourth time today.

yoga for homeschoolers

 

10. The pose for when they start fighting about whose turn it is to load the dishwasher, again

yoga for homeschoolers

 

11. The “if everyone sees the state of the toilet why am I the only one who cleans it” posture

 

yoga for homeschoolers

 

12. The adding “domestic duties” to the curriculum smug-sit

yoga for homeschoolers

 

13. The successfully maintaining work-from-home productivity while homeschooling lunge

yoga for homeschoolers

 

 

To finish

Let’s end with some meditation, chanting a specific mantra to further settle your mind. Please sit comfortably. Here are three simple mantras to choose from.

yoga for homeschoolers

1.

Only five weeks

only five weeks

only five weeks

 

2.

Wash your hands

wash your hands

wash your hands

 

3.

Job-keeper

Job-keeper

Job-keeper

 

 

If you’ve any offspring hanging around, they’re welcome to participate. They already have their own special mantra, a singular word of exceptional power that they chant frequently:

 

Mum

Mum

Mum

Mum

Mum

Mum

Mum

yoga for homeschoolers

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